My second Alpine trip climbing in Slovenia 2001
This is another rather melodramatic journal full of teenage ego and angst, although to be fair, much of what happened here is not exagerated, and it was on the whole a bold and brave trip by an 18 year old Adrienne, replete with some lucky escapes and silly misadventures. I was very lucky not to of been killed young as a result of my almost complete lack of technical climbing skills in the rather demanding and very loose terrain. All learning for bigger things...
The way of the white clouds
The power of a mountain is so great and yet so subtle that,
without compulsion, people are drawn to it from near and far, as if by the
force of some invisible magnet; and they will undergo untold hardships and
privations in their inexplicable urge to approach and to worship the centre of
this sacred power. Nobody has conferred the title of sacredness on such a
mountain, and yet everybody recognises it, nobody has to defend its claim,
because nobody doubts it; nobody has to organise its worship, because people are
overwhelmed by the mere presence of such a mountain and cannot express their
feelings other than by worship.
By Lama Anagarika Govinda
The power of a mountain is so great and yet so subtle that,
without compulsion, people are drawn to it from near and far, as if by the
force of some invisible magnet; and they will undergo untold hardships and
privations in their inexplicable urge to approach and to worship the centre of
this sacred power. Nobody has conferred the title of sacredness on such a
mountain, and yet everybody recognises it, nobody has to defend its claim,
because nobody doubts it; nobody has to organise its worship, because people are
overwhelmed by the mere presence of such a mountain and cannot express their
feelings other than by worship.
By Lama Anagarika Govinda
Sunday 29th July 2001
It is ready. The bags are packed, the gear is stowed. Am off tomorrow afternoon, first to Italy, then high into the Slovenian Alps for a months big wall climbing. Spent yesterday buying gear and packing, the ice
climbing gear was short and cost me dear to get it up to scratch. For the first 2 ½ weeks I will be accompanied by my good friend Ben Harvey, a guy I first met in my college days in Holme Lacy, Hereford. I will not give space here to explain how I got to be where I am, it is best you refer to my previous diary
finished a couple of days ago. Red mottled cover, about the same size, bit smaller maybe, with plenty of drawing and writing on the covers. It covers my time as an outdoor pursuits instructor with a company called Junior Choice Adventure. Some very good times were had there. There is another purple covered
diary covering last year’s trip to the Swiss Lepontine Alps. A huge black album was made of my last alpine trip of which I was quite proud.
It is ready. The bags are packed, the gear is stowed. Am off tomorrow afternoon, first to Italy, then high into the Slovenian Alps for a months big wall climbing. Spent yesterday buying gear and packing, the ice
climbing gear was short and cost me dear to get it up to scratch. For the first 2 ½ weeks I will be accompanied by my good friend Ben Harvey, a guy I first met in my college days in Holme Lacy, Hereford. I will not give space here to explain how I got to be where I am, it is best you refer to my previous diary
finished a couple of days ago. Red mottled cover, about the same size, bit smaller maybe, with plenty of drawing and writing on the covers. It covers my time as an outdoor pursuits instructor with a company called Junior Choice Adventure. Some very good times were had there. There is another purple covered
diary covering last year’s trip to the Swiss Lepontine Alps. A huge black album was made of my last alpine trip of which I was quite proud.
Monday 30th July 2001
09:53 – First talk with my friend Chris last night in about six months. He was lucky to catch me before I went again. He’s pretty screwed up, he hates his job, just split with his girlfriend and has debts on the car and mortgage – he’s only 18 years old! So we had a counselling session last night. I don’t know why people do this to me, lots of people, some who I really wouldn’t expect, come up to me and start pouring their hearts out. I don’t understand, why me? Anyway, I said I’d call him when I got back in September. We both agreed on the shit state of the local area, as a young person there is no room for growth or development, home is a
very depressive and stagnant place with little positive energy for anyone. This is reflected by my friends who have remained in the area. I myself chose a different path. Pro’s and con’s to both paths I guess.
09:53 – First talk with my friend Chris last night in about six months. He was lucky to catch me before I went again. He’s pretty screwed up, he hates his job, just split with his girlfriend and has debts on the car and mortgage – he’s only 18 years old! So we had a counselling session last night. I don’t know why people do this to me, lots of people, some who I really wouldn’t expect, come up to me and start pouring their hearts out. I don’t understand, why me? Anyway, I said I’d call him when I got back in September. We both agreed on the shit state of the local area, as a young person there is no room for growth or development, home is a
very depressive and stagnant place with little positive energy for anyone. This is reflected by my friends who have remained in the area. I myself chose a different path. Pro’s and con’s to both paths I guess.
Tuesday 31st July 2001
07:55 – Am now in Victoria coach station, boarding the coach in half an hour. Sat next to Ben, both sat on a huge pile of equipment. Stayed last night at Ben’s Nan’s house, felt we were putting her out a little bit, and sorting through all our gear late at night. She was 87, not used to two extrovert mountaineers. Have a 28 hour coach ride ahead, nightmare. Do not depart from Paris until 18:30 tonight and Slovenia is a looong way from Paris! Ben’s started to do a weird stretching routine now in the middle of the gate, absolute nutter! Who wants to be normal though hey? Thing with big walls is half the mission is simply getting there.
18:11 – In Paris now, tired, a bit fed up and just spent £5 on a miserable baguette and ice tea, rip off. The joy of travelling hey? Next stop is Milan, which is a long way off. Don’t leave Milan until 08:30 tomorrow morning! In the world of coach travel the Walkman is the saviour and the batteries its life blood, I hope mine don’t run out on me. Still, onwards and upwards.
20:28 –Somewhere, anywhere in France. A car park with a café. I think too much on coaches, all kinds of odd thoughts and scenarios buzzing around. Bring on the wall, viva la François.
07:55 – Am now in Victoria coach station, boarding the coach in half an hour. Sat next to Ben, both sat on a huge pile of equipment. Stayed last night at Ben’s Nan’s house, felt we were putting her out a little bit, and sorting through all our gear late at night. She was 87, not used to two extrovert mountaineers. Have a 28 hour coach ride ahead, nightmare. Do not depart from Paris until 18:30 tonight and Slovenia is a looong way from Paris! Ben’s started to do a weird stretching routine now in the middle of the gate, absolute nutter! Who wants to be normal though hey? Thing with big walls is half the mission is simply getting there.
18:11 – In Paris now, tired, a bit fed up and just spent £5 on a miserable baguette and ice tea, rip off. The joy of travelling hey? Next stop is Milan, which is a long way off. Don’t leave Milan until 08:30 tomorrow morning! In the world of coach travel the Walkman is the saviour and the batteries its life blood, I hope mine don’t run out on me. Still, onwards and upwards.
20:28 –Somewhere, anywhere in France. A car park with a café. I think too much on coaches, all kinds of odd thoughts and scenarios buzzing around. Bring on the wall, viva la François.
Wednesday 1st August 2001
08:29 – In Milan, Italy. Ben is currently swimming in a national monument while I wait for the police to arrive. Speaking of which, about 01:00 this morning customs charged onto our coach, one girl had drugs on her so all hell came about. Fun eh? A couple of argumentative discussions with Ben about the style of climbing to be employed. I guess we’ll have to see how it goes. I fail to see the point of climbing alpine style after dragging all the big wall gear along with us. Almost there now though.
16:03 – Am in Venice now. Just spent a very frustrating few hours in a station queuing for information and tickets to Slovenia. Should be in Tarvesio by tonight. It’s very hot, walking around Italy in the height of Summer in Himalayan double plastic climbing boots is a piss take! The currency has been a nightmare to
understand, thousands and thousands of lire and a Slovenian currency we can’t even pronounce. All part of the fun I guess, need to keep an eye on it though as we’re on a tight budget. Sat with five big bags full of climbing gear around me on the edge of one of the canals, watching the boats and wildlife go by.
Morecheeba in the headphones, top off, bliss. Be nice to get into the mountains though.
08:29 – In Milan, Italy. Ben is currently swimming in a national monument while I wait for the police to arrive. Speaking of which, about 01:00 this morning customs charged onto our coach, one girl had drugs on her so all hell came about. Fun eh? A couple of argumentative discussions with Ben about the style of climbing to be employed. I guess we’ll have to see how it goes. I fail to see the point of climbing alpine style after dragging all the big wall gear along with us. Almost there now though.
16:03 – Am in Venice now. Just spent a very frustrating few hours in a station queuing for information and tickets to Slovenia. Should be in Tarvesio by tonight. It’s very hot, walking around Italy in the height of Summer in Himalayan double plastic climbing boots is a piss take! The currency has been a nightmare to
understand, thousands and thousands of lire and a Slovenian currency we can’t even pronounce. All part of the fun I guess, need to keep an eye on it though as we’re on a tight budget. Sat with five big bags full of climbing gear around me on the edge of one of the canals, watching the boats and wildlife go by.
Morecheeba in the headphones, top off, bliss. Be nice to get into the mountains though.
Thursday 2nd August 2001
13:10 – In Kranska Gora in Slovenia. The huge vertical faces of the mountains loom in front of me.
Very excited now, should by on the vertical by the evening. Picking up supplies in the supermarket now. Live as you dream has been my catch word for the season, really doing it here though. The place is stunningly beautiful, simply being here fills me with inner energy. The expedition goes well.
13:10 – In Kranska Gora in Slovenia. The huge vertical faces of the mountains loom in front of me.
Very excited now, should by on the vertical by the evening. Picking up supplies in the supermarket now. Live as you dream has been my catch word for the season, really doing it here though. The place is stunningly beautiful, simply being here fills me with inner energy. The expedition goes well.
Sunday 5th August 2001
09:44 – Gap I know, been busy. I’m up a very large rock face, starting pitch 6 or 7 now. It has been hard work. Our portaledge cliff tent has been ruined and now only serves the role of a basha. Last night we got hit by a big electrical storm. I don’t mind saying I was scared shitless.
09:44 – Gap I know, been busy. I’m up a very large rock face, starting pitch 6 or 7 now. It has been hard work. Our portaledge cliff tent has been ruined and now only serves the role of a basha. Last night we got hit by a big electrical storm. I don’t mind saying I was scared shitless.
Friday 10th August 2001
13:19 – Big entry lap there, my pen broke while on the face, I’ve got pencils now though. Am back in Kranska Gora. Seven days the climb took up the North face of Mount Razor, we topped out on the ridge just below the summit, then made our way down the South scree slopes to the Trenta valley road and back here. Frustrating week, we ran out of food and water by the end. The portaledge, although broke, did not even turn out to be waterproof and was about as good as a metal parachute. The friendship between me and Ben is still intact; however the climbing partnership is forever broken. It was an unfair partnership and I ended up doing most of the work, hauling most of the gear and often doing workloads of a ratio of 1:6. He proved to be unfit, unmotivated, clumsy and incompetent on the mountainside. Most annoyingly he climbs at the speed old people fuck i.e. very, very slowly. I seem to of spent most of my time waiting for him. Once it took him over 45 minutes just to gear up – it takes me about 5 or 10 at the most! I will move much faster solo even with the extra gear. It will take a very special person to ever make me think about taking on a major climbing project with a partner again. For now we are having a few days rest and recovery in Gora, then going to spend a few days on Mt Triglav, the highest in the area at 2800m. Ben is then going home. I have spotted a big vertical route in the Kriska Sterna which I would then like to attempt solo. Hopefully it will prove to be an unclimbed route, which will be good publicity for my mountaineering career and good substance for the magazine article I intend to write on my return home. Ultimately my ambition is to achieve a climbing sponsorship from one of the big companies, we’ll see. The past week has proved to be a good training ground though.
13:19 – Big entry lap there, my pen broke while on the face, I’ve got pencils now though. Am back in Kranska Gora. Seven days the climb took up the North face of Mount Razor, we topped out on the ridge just below the summit, then made our way down the South scree slopes to the Trenta valley road and back here. Frustrating week, we ran out of food and water by the end. The portaledge, although broke, did not even turn out to be waterproof and was about as good as a metal parachute. The friendship between me and Ben is still intact; however the climbing partnership is forever broken. It was an unfair partnership and I ended up doing most of the work, hauling most of the gear and often doing workloads of a ratio of 1:6. He proved to be unfit, unmotivated, clumsy and incompetent on the mountainside. Most annoyingly he climbs at the speed old people fuck i.e. very, very slowly. I seem to of spent most of my time waiting for him. Once it took him over 45 minutes just to gear up – it takes me about 5 or 10 at the most! I will move much faster solo even with the extra gear. It will take a very special person to ever make me think about taking on a major climbing project with a partner again. For now we are having a few days rest and recovery in Gora, then going to spend a few days on Mt Triglav, the highest in the area at 2800m. Ben is then going home. I have spotted a big vertical route in the Kriska Sterna which I would then like to attempt solo. Hopefully it will prove to be an unclimbed route, which will be good publicity for my mountaineering career and good substance for the magazine article I intend to write on my return home. Ultimately my ambition is to achieve a climbing sponsorship from one of the big companies, we’ll see. The past week has proved to be a good training ground though.
Saturday 11th August 2001
08:52 – Strange quirk of luck last night. Ben met this woman who offered us a place to sleep in her house, where I am now. The woman, Breda, is very nice but at the same time seems very cautious about us. I think she’s worried we are going to steal something. Very grateful to her though. I had a shower, washed my hair, had a good night’s sleep and a few drinks – sorted. I badly burnt my back in the sun yesterday mind, compliments my ripped up heels I guess. All part of the game though hey. Good talk with Ben last night, we talked about life, climbing and ethics. We climb differently, I don’t like his style and he doesn’t like my fast and free style. I warned him about his dodgy, uninsured, unqualified instructing he does back home. It will catch up with him sometime. Still, not my problem I guess. Today the plan is to shift into the Kriska Sterna
valley and hide some gear, then come back to Gora and go down to Trenta for an attempt of Mt Triglav tomorrow, weather, luck and health permitting. I’m feeling much stringer after the days rest, both mentally and physically. I feel a bit emotionally drained for some reason; I guess it really takes it out of you,
putting your heart and soul into the mountain. I wonder what the return is?
20:42 – In the valley again now. Carried one of my big wall packs up to the start of the climb. I’ll come back in 4-5 days and do these two routes I’ve been eying up. Me and Ben are getting on much better now we are no longer climbing. I’m in the porch of a lovely wooden chalet. Well fed. We will shift down to Trenta
tomorrow with a view to climbing Triglav the following day. I sent a letter to Chris today, just wishing him well with his problems really. Writing one to mum too as it’s easier and cheaper to keep in touch by mail as opposed to phone.
Sunday 12th August 2001
13:55 – In Trenta, under a wooden balcony, on my second pint of pivo (beer). Lovely weather and scenery. We’re going to shift up the Trenta valley this afternoon. Nice place, slightly touristi, but I guess I’m one of them. Damn. Paradise place though, sun, beer, chalet and mountains… cushty.
15:34 – Ben just majorly pissed me off again. Chucked a load of nuts and bolts he could no longer be arsed to carry into a bush. Fucking disgraceful. No worse than fucking bolting a route. Simple ethic ‘go up a mountain but don’t leave any of your shit or crap on it’. Simple. It fucking disgusts me. I will be very glad
to be rid of his company now, we are two people at opposite ends of a moral, physical and intellectual spectrum and there ain’t no way I would ever change ends. Bastard. Didn’t even admit he could possibly be doing anything wrong. It’s twats like him that ruin beautiful mountain country such as this. Fucking egit.
18:40 – Things falling apart here. My tolerance for him almost snapped when he started making a fire in the ‘no fires national park’, right under the no fires sign. We nearly went our separate ways then. Spending the evening apart. Trying to gain an inner stillness, energy and patience again. Evening of Buddhism. He has stretched my patience more than any child has done whilst instructing, and that’s saying something. Wrote a letter to my friend Laura today as well, just need to post them now.
13:55 – In Trenta, under a wooden balcony, on my second pint of pivo (beer). Lovely weather and scenery. We’re going to shift up the Trenta valley this afternoon. Nice place, slightly touristi, but I guess I’m one of them. Damn. Paradise place though, sun, beer, chalet and mountains… cushty.
15:34 – Ben just majorly pissed me off again. Chucked a load of nuts and bolts he could no longer be arsed to carry into a bush. Fucking disgraceful. No worse than fucking bolting a route. Simple ethic ‘go up a mountain but don’t leave any of your shit or crap on it’. Simple. It fucking disgusts me. I will be very glad
to be rid of his company now, we are two people at opposite ends of a moral, physical and intellectual spectrum and there ain’t no way I would ever change ends. Bastard. Didn’t even admit he could possibly be doing anything wrong. It’s twats like him that ruin beautiful mountain country such as this. Fucking egit.
18:40 – Things falling apart here. My tolerance for him almost snapped when he started making a fire in the ‘no fires national park’, right under the no fires sign. We nearly went our separate ways then. Spending the evening apart. Trying to gain an inner stillness, energy and patience again. Evening of Buddhism. He has stretched my patience more than any child has done whilst instructing, and that’s saying something. Wrote a letter to my friend Laura today as well, just need to post them now.
The Perfect Climb
Sunlight cascades smooth rock, highlighting holds in shadow, warming the skin, freeing the mind.
Hands palm metalware with easy reflex, the perfect wedge for the perfect crack, the momentum flows upwards, the body is
free.
Fingers caress rock, the pattern falls into place, like a mathematician cracking a sum, the climber feels happy and free.
Mind and body float towards the sky, the climber has it all, she just needs to reach up, hold on tight, and try.
(Bad) Poem by Adrienne
Sunlight cascades smooth rock, highlighting holds in shadow, warming the skin, freeing the mind.
Hands palm metalware with easy reflex, the perfect wedge for the perfect crack, the momentum flows upwards, the body is
free.
Fingers caress rock, the pattern falls into place, like a mathematician cracking a sum, the climber feels happy and free.
Mind and body float towards the sky, the climber has it all, she just needs to reach up, hold on tight, and try.
(Bad) Poem by Adrienne
Cold
Cold, cold, cold, fingers ache with cold, cold, cold, cold, the mind doesn’t work at all.
Cold, cold, cold, the toes are numb again, cold, cold, cold, God it’s a long way down.
Cold, cold, cold, the foods all frozen stiff, cold, cold, cold, what I wouldn’t do for a splif.
Cold, cold, cold, why am I here again? Cold, cold, cold, isn’t this all just fun.
Poem by Adrienne – not exactly Khalil Gibran, but it gives an insight into physical conditions upon the mind!
Monday 13th August 2001
16:47 – On the summit of Triglav now, knackered and happy. Lots of strange characters up here. It is said that you are never a true Slovenian until you have climbed this mountain. I guess that makes me and Ben true Slovenians now! It also explains why this is the busiest summit I have ever reached. The highest too at 2862m. Below is the stamp that can be freely obtained from a metal desk conreted into the summit! Beautiful view!
19:25 – In an abandoned hut, well, just outside, below the summit of Mt Triglav. Triglav was mad, I shall never forget it. We are going down into the valley tomorrow then back up to Kranska Gora, same day hopefully, then me and Ben separate company, he goes home and I tackle my solo routes. It’ll be nice to have the space. It’s mad I know but in this abandoned hut we found two pairs of ski’s and some ski boots, old but serviceable. Ben kindly agreed to take mine back home with him, it’ll be cool to do some skiing in Scotland this winter. Tiring day today and I need a good few days rest before strike out solo.
Sunset
Wisps of gold, brushed with flame, like glowing coals in a heaven wide fire, charcoal giants fight the fire, mountains of lead rear up their proud heads. The pageant dies, the embers wane, the silhouettes fade as night invades.
I sit there stunned and lost surrounded by the coming frost, priveledged now though I don’t know how. I am lucky to live and see this through these humble eyes, and something stirs beyond the daily din.
Transported higher than mortals dare to climb, where eyes feast and dine. This sunset filled soul… is this mine?
Poem by Adrienne (forgive the 18 year old onslaught!)
Wisps of gold, brushed with flame, like glowing coals in a heaven wide fire, charcoal giants fight the fire, mountains of lead rear up their proud heads. The pageant dies, the embers wane, the silhouettes fade as night invades.
I sit there stunned and lost surrounded by the coming frost, priveledged now though I don’t know how. I am lucky to live and see this through these humble eyes, and something stirs beyond the daily din.
Transported higher than mortals dare to climb, where eyes feast and dine. This sunset filled soul… is this mine?
Poem by Adrienne (forgive the 18 year old onslaught!)
Tuesday 14th August 2001
19:24 – I am back in the Kriska Sterna valley now, in that balconied porch of a hut I spoke about before, very tired and my feet are a mess. I have reached a turning point of this expedition – Ben has gone home and I am now solo in Slovenia. I left him in Kranska Gora where I resupplied. I will have to do so again before I begin my route. The solitude is bliss. I experienced the most stunning sunset I have ever seen last night. I’m going to have a few days of rest in this hut now I reckon and recover myself physically, mentally and emotionally ready for the two big solo routes. So much seems to hang on them. I hope somebody, somewhere, cares enough about me to give a positive thought or two. I need all the luck I can get. Although not as planned, things haven’t gone too badly so far… touch wood.
19:24 – I am back in the Kriska Sterna valley now, in that balconied porch of a hut I spoke about before, very tired and my feet are a mess. I have reached a turning point of this expedition – Ben has gone home and I am now solo in Slovenia. I left him in Kranska Gora where I resupplied. I will have to do so again before I begin my route. The solitude is bliss. I experienced the most stunning sunset I have ever seen last night. I’m going to have a few days of rest in this hut now I reckon and recover myself physically, mentally and emotionally ready for the two big solo routes. So much seems to hang on them. I hope somebody, somewhere, cares enough about me to give a positive thought or two. I need all the luck I can get. Although not as planned, things haven’t gone too badly so far… touch wood.
Wednesday 15th August 2001
09:10 – I hate rest days, I need it ‘cus my feet are a mess and need some recovery before I go on. ‘Tis a cold morning outside this hut and I feel slightly bloated from eating too much: a rare affliction out here. I need to go back into Kranska Gora for some more food supplies before I tackle the route, but really tempted to resupply today. I might be rushing things though. I need to be at full strength for this climb. Blissful solitude, minus the nosy passers-by.
11:00 – Oh my god, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. The guy who owns the hut under who’s balcony I have been staying came back. A nice guy, mountain guide, but he informed me that it is very bad climbing in the Kriska Sterna and about 40 odd people have died there, and that I should climb elsewhere. Shit, that is a blow to my confidence. On the plus side it means that my routes are surely unclimbed but on the downside it means they are lethal as fuck. I am going ahead anyway, and if things get too hairy I’ll pull out and try elsewhere, which will be a major blow. A change of plans, however, I am not going to resupply, I am not going to have a few day’s rest, I am going for it now while the weather is good and I still have some confidence and we’ll see what the universe brings. I am shifting out.
20:56 – I am on the vertical. Completed the first pitch. The route looks very hard and the rock is
extremely, extremely, extremely loose and fragile. I shall have to be very careful to survive this climb. I am sleeping under an overhanging ledge, a bats nest I think, above a small ice flow. Safe from the frequent rock avalanches. My confidence has increased slightly, though god only knows why. Gear tackles fear I guess, and I certainly have all the gear on hand for this one! It is dark and I am writing by torchlight so I will make this quick. God knows what tomorrow shall bring, it is up to the universe, if this is my last entry though
it is because I am dead. If you find this diary please return it and give my regards to my friends. Our actions shall define us.
09:10 – I hate rest days, I need it ‘cus my feet are a mess and need some recovery before I go on. ‘Tis a cold morning outside this hut and I feel slightly bloated from eating too much: a rare affliction out here. I need to go back into Kranska Gora for some more food supplies before I tackle the route, but really tempted to resupply today. I might be rushing things though. I need to be at full strength for this climb. Blissful solitude, minus the nosy passers-by.
11:00 – Oh my god, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. The guy who owns the hut under who’s balcony I have been staying came back. A nice guy, mountain guide, but he informed me that it is very bad climbing in the Kriska Sterna and about 40 odd people have died there, and that I should climb elsewhere. Shit, that is a blow to my confidence. On the plus side it means that my routes are surely unclimbed but on the downside it means they are lethal as fuck. I am going ahead anyway, and if things get too hairy I’ll pull out and try elsewhere, which will be a major blow. A change of plans, however, I am not going to resupply, I am not going to have a few day’s rest, I am going for it now while the weather is good and I still have some confidence and we’ll see what the universe brings. I am shifting out.
20:56 – I am on the vertical. Completed the first pitch. The route looks very hard and the rock is
extremely, extremely, extremely loose and fragile. I shall have to be very careful to survive this climb. I am sleeping under an overhanging ledge, a bats nest I think, above a small ice flow. Safe from the frequent rock avalanches. My confidence has increased slightly, though god only knows why. Gear tackles fear I guess, and I certainly have all the gear on hand for this one! It is dark and I am writing by torchlight so I will make this quick. God knows what tomorrow shall bring, it is up to the universe, if this is my last entry though
it is because I am dead. If you find this diary please return it and give my regards to my friends. Our actions shall define us.
Thursday 16th August 2001
18:10 – So I am alive, but by no stretch of the imagination safe. I have been incredibly lucky today. On my second pitch I was abseiling to pick up some gear below when three out of my four anchor points failed and I had a scary fall of a few metres in length. I painfully bruised the bottom of my right foot. One placement saved me from certain death, and it was not a good placement either! Worse still, on pitch four, about 20m above the anchor below, I was on a slight overhang and put in a nut placement, gave it a good few pulls and a huge 0.5m squared piece of rock fell off above me. It could have knocked me clean off the face and I’m lucky it didn’t for it smashed my ropes and anchor below to pieces. However, it did not miss me entirely and I now have some nasty gashes in the top of my arm, a cut elbow and a huge rip in my favourite T-shirt! I should be
thankful for nothing worse I guess. Still that is not all, pitch four is so hard and overhanging that I cannot complete it the way I planned, tomorrow I must try to retrieve my lost gear and rope from the failed pitch above (a bloody risky task), and then try and find a new route around this huge overhanging ledge above me. I realise that in terms of odds I should have died today and I thank the universe I am still here to write this, but I feel terribly frightened, insecure and have a horrible sense of impending doom about me. I wonder if I shall ever see home again? Who dares wins.
18:10 – So I am alive, but by no stretch of the imagination safe. I have been incredibly lucky today. On my second pitch I was abseiling to pick up some gear below when three out of my four anchor points failed and I had a scary fall of a few metres in length. I painfully bruised the bottom of my right foot. One placement saved me from certain death, and it was not a good placement either! Worse still, on pitch four, about 20m above the anchor below, I was on a slight overhang and put in a nut placement, gave it a good few pulls and a huge 0.5m squared piece of rock fell off above me. It could have knocked me clean off the face and I’m lucky it didn’t for it smashed my ropes and anchor below to pieces. However, it did not miss me entirely and I now have some nasty gashes in the top of my arm, a cut elbow and a huge rip in my favourite T-shirt! I should be
thankful for nothing worse I guess. Still that is not all, pitch four is so hard and overhanging that I cannot complete it the way I planned, tomorrow I must try to retrieve my lost gear and rope from the failed pitch above (a bloody risky task), and then try and find a new route around this huge overhanging ledge above me. I realise that in terms of odds I should have died today and I thank the universe I am still here to write this, but I feel terribly frightened, insecure and have a horrible sense of impending doom about me. I wonder if I shall ever see home again? Who dares wins.
Friday 17thAugust 2001
07:55 – I am retreating; it is too loose and too dangerous. The volume of avalanche and stone fall which came down last night was ridiculous. I got hit by lots of small things but nothing big thankfully, though I heard some huge ones. Last night, at the end of the valley there was a lightning storm and I was damn glad it wasn’t on me. My arm hurts and I can barely walk on the one foot, I am on a lethal route below a crumbling overhang – there is no solid protection and even retreat will be dangerous. I have nothing to prove and too
much to live for. There are so many things that I want to do in life and this route is just not worth dying for.
10:00 – I have moved all my gear back down to the top of pitch two, now all I need to do is climb up to the top of pitch four and remove all the ropes and protection. Easy, right? The clouds are rolling through the valley quite heavily with patches of rain and occasional big rolls of thunder are giving this retreat
a very threatening atmosphere.
‘Oh, what is is to slow the pace, to not give chase and leave the race’.
13:43 – Wow, I am down on the valley pass, the bulk of my gear with me which I am now going to stow lower down in the valley, then relay the second load down to it. I feel relieved and shell shocked, and beautiful and small.
18:08 – My god, a beer in hand outside a hut. Things could have turned out very differently. I have lost a lot of gear by retreating as I did not manage the recovery of pitch four. It was just too risky. So I have now lost both ropes, two slings, three karabiners, and one quickdraw. But I am alive and thankful for it. Coming down the valley I must have looked like some extract out of a ‘Die Hard’ film, clothes ripped and dirty, cut, bruised and battered, with enough metalware to take on Makalu. No one seemed to bat an eyelid though, people paid more attention when I was starting the route, go figure… who cares? I am now going to
head down to the balcony of that hut in the bottom of the valley, that mountain guides place. See what tomorrow brings. At least there is one.
07:55 – I am retreating; it is too loose and too dangerous. The volume of avalanche and stone fall which came down last night was ridiculous. I got hit by lots of small things but nothing big thankfully, though I heard some huge ones. Last night, at the end of the valley there was a lightning storm and I was damn glad it wasn’t on me. My arm hurts and I can barely walk on the one foot, I am on a lethal route below a crumbling overhang – there is no solid protection and even retreat will be dangerous. I have nothing to prove and too
much to live for. There are so many things that I want to do in life and this route is just not worth dying for.
10:00 – I have moved all my gear back down to the top of pitch two, now all I need to do is climb up to the top of pitch four and remove all the ropes and protection. Easy, right? The clouds are rolling through the valley quite heavily with patches of rain and occasional big rolls of thunder are giving this retreat
a very threatening atmosphere.
‘Oh, what is is to slow the pace, to not give chase and leave the race’.
13:43 – Wow, I am down on the valley pass, the bulk of my gear with me which I am now going to stow lower down in the valley, then relay the second load down to it. I feel relieved and shell shocked, and beautiful and small.
18:08 – My god, a beer in hand outside a hut. Things could have turned out very differently. I have lost a lot of gear by retreating as I did not manage the recovery of pitch four. It was just too risky. So I have now lost both ropes, two slings, three karabiners, and one quickdraw. But I am alive and thankful for it. Coming down the valley I must have looked like some extract out of a ‘Die Hard’ film, clothes ripped and dirty, cut, bruised and battered, with enough metalware to take on Makalu. No one seemed to bat an eyelid though, people paid more attention when I was starting the route, go figure… who cares? I am now going to
head down to the balcony of that hut in the bottom of the valley, that mountain guides place. See what tomorrow brings. At least there is one.
Saturday 18th August 2001
19:44 – Little time difference in entries, I now, but so much has changed. On my retreat down the valley, lower down, lots of people became concerned about me. Not at the top when I was cut, bleeding and ragged, but at the bottom when I had cleaned up, go figure! Anyway, one group offered me a lift back to Kranska Gora and took me to their house, fed me and insisted I go to a doctor. They then drove me to Tarvisio in Italy. Amazing. I was very grateful. Barbera, the only girl who spoke English, was very kind. The doctor first thought that my foot was fine as no one could walk down a 15 mile valley, loaded, with a broken foot. After
inspection of it, and much prodding, he told me he thought it was broken. He bandaged it to hell, wrote a prescription looking thing and said I should get to a hospital as soon as possible when I get back to England, where I am now heading with full speed. I thought I’d simply bruised it! So I am in Venice now, after getting a lift with a nice American family to Udine, then catching the train to Venice. Unfortunately the Eurolines office is shut until tomorrow morning (11:30), so I will have to sleep rough here, no biggi I guess. I have covered a lot of distance today and feel pretty shell shocked and disoriented, but still very thankful to be alive, it is against odds, I will make the most of it. So hopefully in a day or two I will be home. This has been a learning experience, but the more I learn, the more I realise how little I know. Live as you dream.
19:44 – Little time difference in entries, I now, but so much has changed. On my retreat down the valley, lower down, lots of people became concerned about me. Not at the top when I was cut, bleeding and ragged, but at the bottom when I had cleaned up, go figure! Anyway, one group offered me a lift back to Kranska Gora and took me to their house, fed me and insisted I go to a doctor. They then drove me to Tarvisio in Italy. Amazing. I was very grateful. Barbera, the only girl who spoke English, was very kind. The doctor first thought that my foot was fine as no one could walk down a 15 mile valley, loaded, with a broken foot. After
inspection of it, and much prodding, he told me he thought it was broken. He bandaged it to hell, wrote a prescription looking thing and said I should get to a hospital as soon as possible when I get back to England, where I am now heading with full speed. I thought I’d simply bruised it! So I am in Venice now, after getting a lift with a nice American family to Udine, then catching the train to Venice. Unfortunately the Eurolines office is shut until tomorrow morning (11:30), so I will have to sleep rough here, no biggi I guess. I have covered a lot of distance today and feel pretty shell shocked and disoriented, but still very thankful to be alive, it is against odds, I will make the most of it. So hopefully in a day or two I will be home. This has been a learning experience, but the more I learn, the more I realise how little I know. Live as you dream.
Sunday 19thAugust 2001
06:52 – Rough night’s sleep, just on the ground next to my bags. The service abroad is shit, I noticed that in supermarkets, and today in the ACTV ‘help’ office, they treat you like shit and have no time for you. This guy didn’t even interpret his telephone conversation for me. Service with a smile hey? So I’ve got to wait until 11:30 until the Eurolines office opens and see if they are any more helpful. Hell, I just want to get out of here. I’m getting worried about my foot as I can barely walk around on it now. I need to get back to England
fast.
09:57 – I gave mum a call and I couldn’t help letting my voice sound upset, I don’t know why, I don’t feel that bad inside myself. I told her my situation for all the good that will do. She kindly informed me I was lucky to be alive. Thanks, but, I’d kind of figured that one out already. I’m going to have some pain in the ass lectures when I get home I reckon. Damn it. I am grateful to still be here, I don’t need to be told these things.
12:23 – Good, I’ve got a boarding ticket and leave Venice in two and a bit hours. I go to Milan where I have to change and hope I don’t spend the night there as this is killing me. Still, could be worse I guess. I’ll be glad to be in France, as from what I’ve seen I can’t stand Italy. Too hot, full of male tarts and barbi dolls and generally as materialistic as fuck. I had a nose bleed a little while ago, so my one clean top got soaked in blood and I’m back in the ripped ‘Di Hard’ one now. Shit, I must look a sight and a half, bloodied rags, ripped clothes, scars, bruises, blood, with two ice axes strapped to my bag! Unique life experience I guess.
20:27 – On a coach now in Milan. Soon I will be heading to London. Things are moving again now. My foot feels very swollen. Annoyingly I have also been bitten by mosquitos on my face, arms, ears and legs. Fucking Venice. I did not like it at all. Still, as always, things could be much, much worse than they are so se sierra sierra.
Monday 20thAugust 2001
11:43 (UK) – I’m on the ferry now going back to the UK. I’m very tired, hungry, sore and generally
battered. I’m tired of people looking at me funny. I know I look like I’ve just been dragged through a bush backwards, but still, I’m at the smartest I can be, all considered. I’m looking forward to just crashing
at home now. It’ll be curious to see what the hospital says about my foot, for if it is broke then down climbing a multi pitch climb, yomping up and down a big assed valley a few times and then dragging my ass half way across Europe will have been quite an achievement. If a little beyond belief.
Wednesday 22nd August 2001
21:54 – Back home, fed, slept, recovered, alive, thankful, humble, and small. The lectures I expected came, I knew they would. Incredibly my foot turned out not to be broke or fractured; I just bruised the roots of my heel muscles or something. I’m walking much better now, though I have been given crutches. I called Ben, who had quite an ‘I told you so attitude’, even Chris didn’t seem at all sympathetic, but who wants sympathy hey? I really don’t think people understand just how close I came to dying; how maybe I should be dead. But then why do they need to? I got a job today, before I worked for JCA I worked in a nightclub called Redwoods while I was at college, so I was pleased when they gave me my old part time job back. I start Friday evening, which is good as I desperately need the money. My Slovenian currency has turned out to be
unchangeable on the UK market, so I am left with many useless Slovenian notes and no British. Too bad. But life goes on and I have learnt strong lessons of humility, courage, fear, passion and climbing, and I learnt them in a way I will not easily forget. There are many things that I now want to achieve in life, many of them are different to what I wanted before, and there are many mountains that need to be climbed within myself before I reach a sense of true completeness. So we will see what life brings, with interest and humility and
gratitude. For anything from now on is simply extra time, for which I will be most grateful.
21:54 – Back home, fed, slept, recovered, alive, thankful, humble, and small. The lectures I expected came, I knew they would. Incredibly my foot turned out not to be broke or fractured; I just bruised the roots of my heel muscles or something. I’m walking much better now, though I have been given crutches. I called Ben, who had quite an ‘I told you so attitude’, even Chris didn’t seem at all sympathetic, but who wants sympathy hey? I really don’t think people understand just how close I came to dying; how maybe I should be dead. But then why do they need to? I got a job today, before I worked for JCA I worked in a nightclub called Redwoods while I was at college, so I was pleased when they gave me my old part time job back. I start Friday evening, which is good as I desperately need the money. My Slovenian currency has turned out to be
unchangeable on the UK market, so I am left with many useless Slovenian notes and no British. Too bad. But life goes on and I have learnt strong lessons of humility, courage, fear, passion and climbing, and I learnt them in a way I will not easily forget. There are many things that I now want to achieve in life, many of them are different to what I wanted before, and there are many mountains that need to be climbed within myself before I reach a sense of true completeness. So we will see what life brings, with interest and humility and
gratitude. For anything from now on is simply extra time, for which I will be most grateful.
Dreams
Hold fast to dreams, For if they die, Life is sad and unhappy without dreams, Like a bird with a broken wing, That cannot fly,
Hold fast to dreams, For when dreams go, Life is a barren field, Where things cannot grow,
Hold fast to dreams, Hold them tight, Treasure them for all eternity, Keep them alive,
Hold fast to dreams, They may come true, But really, That depends on you
Hold fast to dreams, For if they die, Life is sad and unhappy without dreams, Like a bird with a broken wing, That cannot fly,
Hold fast to dreams, For when dreams go, Life is a barren field, Where things cannot grow,
Hold fast to dreams, Hold them tight, Treasure them for all eternity, Keep them alive,
Hold fast to dreams, They may come true, But really, That depends on you